Learn.Grow.

I am one of those people who fall under the category of No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth. There was a time in my life when I was really, really upset because of that. But now, I’m proud of it :)

I’m not saying that in my 17 years of existence, I haven’t experienced this thing that we call, 'kilig'. In fact, I did (for so many times, haha). Also, i’m not saying that I haven’t experienced being in love with the opposite sex. However, the fact of being in love equates the word ‘hurting’. Yes, I’ve also experienced heartaches.

Once, I happened to read a verse from the Bible which says that, “God is close to the brokenhearted”. I agree with that because during those times that i’m hurting because of someone who’s not worthy of my tears, God saved me. There was a time when just to be able to have a little portion of this person’s attention, I was very willing to do everything he asked me to do. It may sound funny, but way back when I was still into this person, though i’m so worn-out from school, I can still stay up late at night just to chat with him for an hour. Imagine?! 

Love was so blind that time. Because my mind was too occupied by thoughts of him, I forgot what’s wrong from right. I didn’t mind if I looked awful, all I know was that I love him then. When there were times that I felt so dumped, all I was left to do was to cry as I lock myself inside my room. He has no idea of what happens to me in every end of our chat. He doesn’t know what I’m going through when we fight. In short, HE NEVER CARED FOR ME. I am very sure of that.

That time, the fact that he doesn’t care for me the way I cared for him felt so hard to accept. I admit, bitterness coated my heart at first. I tried to delete him from my friends list in facebook, yahoo messenger, and skype. I tried every strategy just to forget my feelings for him, but I must say that these things didn’t work. I realized that if I’ll still hold grudges in my heart, I won’t be able to release my grip from him. I decided to compose myself, and I started to let go of all the pains he brought into my life. Back then, I really felt how much God loves me. How much my friends care for me. I was saved. I was awakened.

If I’ll have a chance, I’ll tell this person that I am also sorry for all the selfishness I’ve done in the past. If I’ll have a chance, I’ll ask forgiveness because I can still be his friend, but I can never treat him like I did before. If I’ll have a chance, I’ll thank this person because I am very sure that because of him, I learned and I grew up. Because of him, I’m happier and matured than before. And lastly, because of him, I am capable and prepared enough to love again.