Hindi Biro

Naisip ko lang bigla na ang dami ko na palang pinalagpas na malalaking oportunidad na dumating sa buhay ko. Ang dami ko na rin palang mga bagay na pinabayaang dumaan na lang. Ang dami na ring mga karanasan na kung sana’y pinili kong danasin, malamang hindi ako nagbabalik-tanaw ngayon at nag-iisip kung ano kayang nangyari kung hindi ako umayaw sa mga hamon ng pagkakataon.

Halos apat na taon na ang nakaraan mula nung matanggap ako sa isang ‘exchange student’ sa Japan. Hindi biro ang pinagdaaanan ko bago ako tuluyang makatanggap ng tawag mula sa Diliman na nagsasabing isa ako sa mapalad na dalawampung estudyante sa Pilipinas na ipapadala sa ibang bansa para pag-aralan ang kultura nito. Labis ang saya ko ng mga oras na iyon. Dala na rin ng pagiging isip bata, naisip ko noon na ang galing-galing ko dahil nagawa kong pumasa sa mahigpit na proseso ng pagpili ng mga delegado.

Totoong hindi biro ang proseso. Halos buong araw akong naghintay sa interbyung iyon kung saan pinakanta, pinasayaw, at pinagtatanong ako ng mga bagay patungkol sa personal na buhay at buhay-estudyante ko. Ilang buwan din akong naghintay ng tawag, at noong dumating na ang pinaka-aasam kong kumpirmasyon, inayawan ko rin. Pinili kong manatili na lang dito sa Pilipinas at makipagtunggali sa isang local na kompetisyon.

Marso 2009. Isa sa mga pinakahihintay na araw ng isang mag-aaral ay ang kanyang pagtatapos. Aaminin kong hinintay kong dumating rin iyon sa buhay  ko, ‘yun nga lamang, hindi ako dumalo. Maraming nag-iisip at nagtatanong kung anong dahilan bakit ko nagawa ‘yun. Alam kong may mga nainis din at nagalit sa akin. Anu’t ano pa man, hindi ako natatakot o nahihiya. Sa hindi ko pag-sipot, isang bagay ang napatunayan ko sa aking sarili—hindi ko man nagawang harapin ang katotohanan noon, nakaya ko namang magpakatatag sa kabila ng mga mapanuyang kritisismo at sabi-sabing ibinabato sa akin matapos kong hindi dumalo.

Iba’t-iba man ang mukha ng bawat pangyayaring pinalagpas ko, iisa pa rin naman ang mensaheng nais nitong iparating—na may dahilan sa bawat pagtalikod ko sa oportunidad at may mga taong mananatiling nandyan para sa akin hanggang sa huli. Bagamat nakapanghihinayang minsan, wala akong pinagsisisihan. Dahil ang bawat bagay na pinalampas ko ay tinulungan akong malaman kung sino ang mga totoong tao, at kung sino ang nagbabalat-kayo lamang.

Unfriend

I guess this is the right thing to do.


And by the way, I'm considering the possibility of deactivating my facebook account soon.

The Other One

It’s been a while since I last updated my blogger account. I missed blogging, really. I’ve been too busy with some things and the hardest part is even if I want to write and put these feelings I have now into words, I just can’t.

At this point, I’m a bit worried because I might not be able to finish this post. This might just be counted as one of my drafts long piled up in this laptop. However, I’ll still try to continue and search for the right words to express what I really want to say—even if you don’t really care about this.

Lately, I can’t stop worrying about some things. In my entire life, I haven’t tried ruining relationships just for my own sake. I’m not that selfish. Even if I want to be happy, I don’t think other people’s sadness could bring me smiles.

I’m trying to make myself understand the situation. What I am doing now is plain feeble-mindedness. This is actually something that I promised myself that I won’t engage into. I am giving him reasons to be unfaithful at certain times. Instead of being guilty, there’s something in my head that says it’s alright to stay because I’m not doing anything to separate them.

How could I stop if I can’t find any reasons to do so? What if being in the vicious track is not enough for me to realize that I have to let go and get a life? I mean, he’s been good to me and he doesn’t want me to go as well. He’s also happy with me, and I am sure of that.

The fact that I’m here for him not just as a friend makes everything wrong…

Students okay higher grading standards

STUDENTS are not mad about this new grading system.

            Instead, like how Accountancy student Ramon Hizon finds it, it’s rather “harsh,” but would be the only way to enjoin students to do their responsibilities and study harder.

            College of Arts and Sciences (CAS) Dean Carmela Dizon said students need to exert more effort in their studies. Dizon said, the purpose of this change is to encourage students to study harder and persevere more in their academic standing, and to raise the academic standards of the university.

            Hizon agreed and said that “[the change on the grading system is] a great move for the betterment of educational quality in AUF.”

            Meanwhile, Electronics and Communication Engineering student Paolo Infante finds the change I the grading scheme “okay,” but only at first. Infante said he realized that the increase in the passing rate was a big thing when their preliminary grades were issued to them.

            Infante said there’s a “big possibility” for the scholars to lose their scholarships because they’re having a hard time reaching the new rate. Infante however accepted the change saying all they need is to exert more effort. But he remained with his earlier statement though when he said he’s sure that “hindi magiging madali ‘yon.”

           

            “Panibagong adjustment nanaman ‘to,” Infante ended.

           

            On the other hand, Dizon said, “kung hasa talaga sila, when they graduate they can face almost anything.”

            Dizon explained the change on the grading system was decided upon during the meeting of the academic council which is comprised of the deans of the different colleges, and the Vice President for Academic Affairs Archimedes David.

            “Napag-usapan ‘yan from top management tapos nag-cascade sa mga different offices,” according to Dizon.

            David said this is part of realizing the mission, vision, and goals of the university.

            “If you are going to visit the quality policy of the university, it calls for the continual improvement of programs, structure, and education system,” said the vice president.

            The idea of changing the grading scheme started during last year’s second semester. The new scheme is now effective this academic year and recognizes 60%, 65%, and 75% passing rates for general education, professional, and board subjects, respectively.

* My article published in the News Page of our university paper, The Pioneer, in its June – July 2011Tabloid issue.

Strangers, again

This is so true.

I think everyone of us, at some point in our lives, will get to experience these stages in our own relationships. Every relationship has its 'rise and fall'. Everything ends, even good things and exquisite experiences. No matter what we do, oftentimes, we cannot change the inevitable. People change but that's normal. Relationships end but it's up to us if it will actually happen. Problems may come in every relationship, but the result of each challenge depends upon how two persons handle the situation.

I guess the best thing to do when relationships come through these 'rough times' is to TRUST each other...

People will get together, and just like in this short film, others will eventually become strangers again. Life goes on. Just be thankful for all the things you learned and experienced from someone you used to cross paths with.

BORINGGG...

Ang tagal ko nang gustong bigyan ng kasunod yung last post ko dito sa blogger kaso ang problema, bagamat gusto kong magsulat, hindi naman ako makahagilap ng mga salitang maaaring gamitin para maiparating ang mensaheng nais kong sabihin.

•••

Ang hirap magdiet kapag bakasyon. Pakiramdam ko, walang oras na nakakaramdam ako ng gutom. Nag-aalala ako na baka sa pasukan hindi ko na maisara yung palda ko. Higit sa lahat, nag-aalala ako na baka hindi na ako makilala ng mga classmates ko dahil sa katabaan 'ko. 

Pressured ako. Pano ba naman kasi, yung mga kaibigan ko kagaya na lamang nila Choco, Jom at Ariane, masyadong weight-conscious. Ayoko namang maging tampulan ako ng tukso kapag nagkita-kita kami ulit. Haha.

•••

Noong isang araw na-badtrip ako. Paano ba naman kasi may isa akong kaibigan (?) na kung makapagsalita, gayun na lamang ipamukha sa akin ang isang bagay na wala ako. Malamang hindi mo gets kung ano yun. Paniguradong kami lang dalawa ang makakaintindi. Anyway, ang sa akin lang, hindi ibig sabihin na magkaibigan kayo ng isang tao ay may karapatan na syang panghimasukan ang buhay mo. Distansya at kontrol naman, kapatid. Lumugar ka kung saan ka dapat.

•••

Sa totoo lang, mahilig akong mag-stalk sa FB. Nagpapasalamat nga ako dahil walang 'Who's Viewed Me?' dun kumpara sa Friendster. Marami akong nalalaman sa pag-sstalk ko. Nakaka-enjoy naman sya, lalo na kapag may mga pagkakataong wala akong magawa online. Wala lang, na-share ko lang.

•••

Sinusubukan kong maging active ulit sa blogger, twitter at tumblr. Kaninang nag-log in ako sa twitter, may iilan akong new follower requests. Napansin kong inaalikabok na ang mga account ko sa social networking sites na 'to.  At the moment, i'm searching for backgrounds na pwedeng ipalit sa current background ng twitter account ko. :)

•••

Tinatamad na akong magsulat. :) Matapos ang lahat ng mga pinagsasabi ko sa blog post na 'to, naisip ko na baka wala naman talaga akong gustong iparating sa makakabasa (kung meron man) bago ko pa man simulan ang pagsusulat nito. Wala lang, trip ko lang sigurong magsulat para naman kahit papaano mabawas-bawasan ang inip na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hahaha. K.

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Imagine yourself standing on a footbridge extending over a small river. You walk up on the bridge and when you finally get into the middle, you gazed downstream and watched the water flow into the distance. You opened your hands as though you’re about to receive a gift in them. In your hands are the things you want to let go of. You hurled these things from your hands into the water below. It began to move away from you in the current.  It bumped a submerged rock, stopped for a while, then continued downstream… 

___

Two years ago, I qualified for an exchange student in Japan. I decided not to join to participate in a regional writing contest. A big opportunity slipped away.

In the same year, my mentor, who used to be my bestfriend and listener, left the country for good. That was the last time I saw him.

Last year, I was deeply hurt by a broken friendship. I wanted to revive the relationship but it didn’t work out.

Why is it not good to dwell on these things? Wouldn’t it be better if we accept and let go of the things that we can’t change?

LIVING IN THE PAST IS SELF-DEFEATING.

            Different people have different frustrations, rejections and regrets. However, it is not healthy for us to dwell on these things.  Before you delve into letting go of your frustrations, you need to face your memories and experiences first.

            Sometimes, we spend a lot of time thinking of the mistakes we’ve done back then. Usually, we have these “what if?” questions in our minds. We keep on looking back at the wrong things we’ve done and of the things we’re not able to accomplish.

            Talk about living in the past, I guess this is one of the main reasons behind several disasters.

            We, as Filipinos, know for a fact that our country is being bombarded by societal problems. Once in a while, a new problem arises leading to another bunch of problems.

            In its 2008 report, the World Bank said 12.7 percent of Filipinos were "poor". Overseas Filipino workers ask why or country remains under-developed while many of our East Asian neighbors like South Korea, Taiwan and Malaysia have eradicated or significantly reduced mass poverty. The same question has been roaming around my mind for a very long time. Probably, most people will say that it’s the fault of the leaders in the government. Some will blame the prevailing corruption and dishonesty in the society, but have we ever thought that probably, we also have a part in this poverty-issue in the Philippines?

            It is now 2011. However, we’re not yet done with this issue. Years had passed and still, we are not yet over in accepting this sad and haunting idea. Poor families keep on blaming the government for not being able to alleviate their plight, where in reality; they are the ones responsible for their lives. Instead of putting the blame on the government, it’s best if they will move forward and start finding ways to support themselves. We should all move on from this perception that our country has no hope of rising from poverty. This situation calls for an action and not just mere solutions.

            Aside from this situation, I’m sure all of us have our own stories to tell regarding letting-go-and-moving-on process. Societal problems are not just the only example; we have our own personal problems too. At any rate, what I want to emphasize from the very start of this column is the importance of accepting the fact that there are some things we really can’t change and all that’s left for us to do is to accept these things, let them go and move forward. Remember that living in the past is self-defeating. We fail to view the great things that we are about to experience because we dwell on things that happened too much. We fail to appreciate the exquisite feeling of living in the present because still, we are caged in the past.

LET GO AND MOVE FORWARD.

            Yes, it may sound difficult but this is the best thing to do. I’m sure most of us experienced holding on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, or depressed us. In almost every situation—be it personal or societal problems that are incapacitating our country’s economy—letting go is a part of the process. Together with letting go is moving forward. Of course, before saying goodbye to all the pains and struggles of the past, ask yourself what you can learn from them. Apply what you learned to the challenges of the present. Do not just limit yourself with what you are now. Be courageous to face mistakes and disappointments. In case of failures and rejections, forgive yourself. Focus in taking steps to a better future.

___

You never took your eyes off of it. You watched it until it reached the point where the river water also disappears from your sight. You stretched your arms and you felt what it’s like to have a weight off your shoulders. You turned away, not looking back at the water as you left the bridge where you cast all your troubles away.

An Eye for an Eye

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19)

Honestly speaking, I feel like some people don't like me because I don't actually spend time pleasing them or befriending them. I don't know. It's just that, I'm not that kind of person and I don't want to be admired by them for simply acting to be somebody else. In my entire life, I've been in a few misunderstandings with different people, but unfortunately, this one's different. This situation is a little bit difficult and I believe, it will really take a very very long time before this issue will be settled. Why? Because this person I'm talking about never really liked me as a friend, or at least, as a person.

Habang tumatagal pala, nakakasawa. That's what I realized. I was very bitter that time and all I want to do is to take revenge as an exchange for all the pains and bad things that this person has done not only to me but also to other people. Later on, I noticed that I'm becoming tired of defending myself (or my friends) from the things she said against me/us. Indeed, if you know that you're not doing anything against anyone, there's no reason for you to be guilty or worried. As long as you are aware that you're not doing anything bad that will harm or offend others, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Guess I'm done with this. I know thinking about her and her attitude is unhealthy and just a waste of time. After all the prayers and self-talk I've done for the past months, I think I'm ready to move on and let go of the grudges I have in my heart. Now, every time that I'll find myself bitter, probably I'll just remind myself that I'm done with her and being bitter won't do me any good. I learned from her and I'm better now :)

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.(Romans 12:21)

Bye Sembreak... Hello, 2nd Sem!

Hindi ko masasabing napahinga ako ng lubos sa nagdaang sembreak na ito. Gayunpaman, ayos lamang. Para sakin ay naging makabuluhan naman ang nakaraang tatlong linggo ng sembreak ko.

So ano nga ba ang pinagkaabalahan ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo?

Una. Isa akong volunteer sa radio station ng AUF—ang DWAU 104.1 FM. Dahil dito, nagpupunta ako, kasama ng aking mga kapwa volunteers, sa school para mag-dj sa kanya-kanya naming mga radio programs at time slots. Aaminin kong medyo nakakapagod ang magpunta sa school lalo na kung ganitong sembreak. Minsan nga eh natutukso pa akong mag-stay na lang sa bahay at magpahinga kesa mag-attend ng isang episode sa aming radio program. Pero mabuti na lamang at nalampasan ko ‘yun at heto, balik eskwela na. At least ngayon, mas magiging madali para sa amin ang magpunta sa radio station kasi pumapasok na rin kami.

Oo, medyo nakakapagod nga ang pagpunta ng school para mag-dj pero kung susumahing mabuti, ‘di hamak na mas marami naman akong natutunan at mas naging makabuluhan naman ang sembreak ko ng dahil dito. Kung hindi siguro ako volunteer sa radio station, malamang, pangunahing pinagkakaabalahan ko ay ang pagkain at pagpapalaki ng katawan sa bahay.

Ikalawa. Ang sembreak na ito ay nagsilbing chance para sa akin para i-meet muli ang ilan sa aking mga high school friends na magdadalawang taon ko nang hindi nakakausap at nakakamusta ng maayos. Kahit pa nagkikita kami paminsan-minsan sa school, alam naman nating hindi sapat ang ilang minuto para magkamustahan at magkwentuhan kami patungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na nagaganap sa aming mga buhay di ba? Sa madaling salita, nagkita kami ng ilang friends ko at nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong makapag-bonding kahit papaano.

Ikatlo. Nakapagsulat na rin ako ng iilang mga posts sa aking blog. Matagal ko nang gustong bigyang buhay ang blogsite kong ito, pero due to time constraints, at dahil sa sandamakmak na requirements at activities sa school, hindi ko magawang makasulat ng kahit isang maikling blogpost. Kung meron man, buwan ata ang bibilangin bago ito masundan ng bagong entry. Naging active din ang twitter account ko ngayong sembreak. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay mayroon na akong 268 tweets (oh di ba, proud! Haha). Naging pamilyar na rin ako sa paggamit nito. Gayundin naman sa aking tumblr account. Natuto na ako kung paano magpost at magreblog (Wow, achievement!). Kahit papaano ay medyo masy sense na ang laman nito, kumpara sa dati.

Ika-apat. Nakapanood na ako ng TV. Hindi naman talaga ako mahilig manood ng TV eh. Ewan ko kung bakit. Madalas, pag nanunuod ako, puro balita lang tapos konting soap operas tapos wala na. Hindi rin ako pamilyar sa klase ng mga commercials na makikitang ipinapalabas sa TV. Kaya nga ngayong sembreak, nagkaroon ako ng chance na obserbahan ang ilan sa mga commercials ngayon. Nakakatuwa ang ilan, pero marami ang nakakainis. Nagtataka nga ako bakit may ilang mga commercials na pinapayagang i-ere sa telebisyon gayong wala namang good values na maaring mapulot dito. Hindi ba nila naisip na may mga batang manunuod din na pwedeng maimpluwensyahan ng mga commercials na ito? Sabi nila, walang mali sa mata ng mga bata, kaya sana naman ay i-filter muna ng mabuti ang ipinapalabas sa TV bago ibalandra sa publiko (Okay, tama na ang pagmamarunong kahit wala akong alam, hahah).

Ikalima. Nakabawi ako sa tulog. Noong kasagsagan ng 2^nd year (1^st sem), sabi ko: Kung mayroon mang kulang sa akin ngayon, hindi iyon pera, kaibigan o boyfriend kundi TULOG. Salamat naman at nakabawi ako kahit papaano nitong mga nakaraang linggo. Panigurado, isa ang pagtulog ng gabi at paggising ng tanghali sa mga bagay na mamimiss ko kapag may pasok na.

Ngayong second semester, masasabi kong excited naman ako na pumasok at mag-aral ulit. Exciting naman para sa akin ang mga subjects. Sana ganoon din ang mga professors. Kinakabahan man, alam kong magiging masaya din ang sem na ‘to. Paniguradong isang araw, mabibigla na lang ako at ma-rerealize ko na ang bilis ng panahon. Sa isang iglap nyan, tapos na ang 2^nd sem at makikita ko ang sarili kong naghahanda na para sa Ikatlong taon sa kolehiyo. Sana lang ay matupad ko ang pangako ko sa aking sarili na mag-aaral na ako ng mabuti ngayong sem na ito. Goodluck sa akin! Haha.

Oh, pano ba ‘yan. Tatapusin ko na ‘to. Medyo napapahaba na rin eh. Goodnight! May pasok pa ako bukas! :)

Cloud Nine?

Ngayon nakahanap na ako ng patotoo sa kasabihang, wala talagang permanente sa mundo. Lahat nagbabago. Lahat lumilipas. 

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Parang kailan lang, normal ang lahat. Walang espesyal. Walang nasa cloud nine. Katamtaman lang. Isang araw, pag-gising ko, iba na. May motibasyon. May saya. May excitement. Bigla-bigla, napansin ko na wala nang thrill. Boring na. Hindi na nakakatuwa. Nakakasakit na.

Akala ko noon, eto na ‘yun. Iba kasi this time. As in ibang iba. Pero as usual, lahat naman ng akala mali, ‘di ba? Kanina lang nagtapos yung panaginip ko :’)

Para akong hinulog mula sa cloud nine. Nagising ako at na-realized ko na napapahaba na at napapasarap na ang pagkakahimbing ko. Akala ko totoo na, pero eto, panaginip nanaman pala ang lahat.

Kamusta naman ‘yun? Nakakabitin yung saya. Ganito ba ang epektong dala ng mahabang sembreak sa akin? Na-mimiss ko lang ba ng sobra sobra ang mga kaibigan ko? Ang lungkot-lungkot ko. Sa sobrang lungkot kung anu-anong mga bagay na ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Lilipas din ‘to. Makakalimutan ko din ‘to. Sana lang ASAP. Ang hirap kasi.