More Than Words

I super love this song! :)

Love the lyrics, and of course, the voice of Frankie J.

I just realized I love this genre of music. Is this RNB?

The original version of this song by Extreme is good, but for me, this version is better ;)

Random Pictures

Picture # 1 - The Baller

Faith, a.k.a CHOCO, was actually trying to get a stolen shot of me.Unfortunately, I was able to notice her, so I immediately covered my face. This picture was the result.We were surprised to see the word‘LOVE’ emphasized in my baller ;) LOL

Picture # 2 - Cute Cat

I super love cats. Promise!

I just saw this picture from one of my facebook friends. 

Look at the whiskers! weee :"> 

Picture # 3 - Sunset

I don't know why I like this picture. I know there's nothing special with this. 

Probably, the sunset makes it attractive (in my eyes). LOL

Picture # 4 - Holy Rosary Parish Church

Our Kapampangan Culture Prof told us that our Midterm Exam for her subject is to make a Kapampangan publication. One article that my classmate submitted talks about Holy Rosary Parish Church and San Guillermo Church. In order to provide pictures for the article--Xanti, Ericka, and I decided to roam around Angeles City. We went to HRP Church and since I was also bringing my digicam that time, I took a picture of one of the oldest churches here in Pampanga.

Picture # 5 - The 'Ligligan Parul' Experience

Again, for the sake of our Kapampangan publication, Xanti and I went to Robinson Starmills Pampanga to watch the annual Ligligan Parul Festival. 

Since there were a lot of people that time, we only took some pictures and immediately went home. 

SELFISH?

So now I know how it feels like to be betrayed and fooled by someone.

It was a Thursday afternoon—December 16 to be exact. I was comfortably seated inside an air-conditioned room in school, waiting for the professor to come. I was a bit nervous because I wasn’t able to review my lessons well for I only received the e-mail of our lessons through the help of a classmate during the wee hours of the previous night.

With that, I have to sacrifice a few hours of sleep. I woke up at five in the morning and assiduously scanned and remembered the important points from the lecture. At 10:30 am, I went to school and waited there until the professor came. The exam started well.

To my surprise, while I was answering the test questions, one classmate approached the teacher and told her that she wasn’t able to receive any e-mail of the lectures. The teacher asked the person (whom she sent the lectures to) if she forwarded the e-mail to our classmates. Of course, she said NO. This person was trying to say that time that she asked someone to send the e-mail to me. I defended myself and told the teacher that I haven’t received any e-mail from anyone. In fact, I will not have a copy of the lecture if I didn’t ask one of my classmates to send me one. The professor again asked, “Who’s the class president?” I immediately raised my hand. After some time, the teacher said, “Sa susunod kung sino man ang makakatanggap ng e-mail na sinend ko, i-forward nyo sa iba. Huwag niyong solohin.”

Honestly, what the teacher said was nothing to me. I mean, my conscience is clear. I know I’m not the one who received the e-mail so how can I forward it to my classmates? What totally ruined my good mood at the start of the day was seeing this person nod and agree to what the prof was saying. It’s like this person was trying to make other people appear to be the SELFISH ONES, where in fact, we should be the one to say to her face how selfish she was (for keeping the e-mail of lectures to herself, I think).

I was pissed off. I was disappointed. I felt like I was betrayed and fooled by this person. I am not doing anything against anyone and I’ve never tried to be selfish at any point. Thanks to my classmates who tried to cheer me up that day by telling me that it’s really her attitude. I should be used to it for we still have two more years to be classmates.

I am sorry for being rude. I just can’t forget how this girl made me feel like I’m the SELFISH person.

An Eye for an Eye

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19)

Honestly speaking, I feel like some people don't like me because I don't actually spend time pleasing them or befriending them. I don't know. It's just that, I'm not that kind of person and I don't want to be admired by them for simply acting to be somebody else. In my entire life, I've been in a few misunderstandings with different people, but unfortunately, this one's different. This situation is a little bit difficult and I believe, it will really take a very very long time before this issue will be settled. Why? Because this person I'm talking about never really liked me as a friend, or at least, as a person.

Habang tumatagal pala, nakakasawa. That's what I realized. I was very bitter that time and all I want to do is to take revenge as an exchange for all the pains and bad things that this person has done not only to me but also to other people. Later on, I noticed that I'm becoming tired of defending myself (or my friends) from the things she said against me/us. Indeed, if you know that you're not doing anything against anyone, there's no reason for you to be guilty or worried. As long as you are aware that you're not doing anything bad that will harm or offend others, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Guess I'm done with this. I know thinking about her and her attitude is unhealthy and just a waste of time. After all the prayers and self-talk I've done for the past months, I think I'm ready to move on and let go of the grudges I have in my heart. Now, every time that I'll find myself bitter, probably I'll just remind myself that I'm done with her and being bitter won't do me any good. I learned from her and I'm better now :)

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.(Romans 12:21)

REKLAMADOR

Nakakainis isipin na maraming tao ang pinipiling magreklamo muna bago gawin ang isang bagay. I mean, kung may isang bagay na dapat gawin, bakit sa halip na simulan na kaagad, may ilang ang dami munang alam sabihin at ireklamo bago kumilos?

Aaminin ko, paminsan-minsan ay reklamador din naman ako. Halos lahat naman ata ng tao, kapag tinamaan ng sumpong, at hindi trip gawin ang isang bagay, ganoon ang initial reaction. Sa kabila ng pagiging aminado ko na reklamador ako kung minsan, agad naman akong nakakaget-over sa ganoong mood at saka na ako magsisimulang gawin and nararapat gawin. Nakakairita lang kasi na yung ibang mga tao, parang hindi na ata maka- move on sa kakareklamo patungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Kaya naman ayun, ang ending, walang matinong naaaccomplish.

Naalala ko tuloy bigla yung isang kaklase ko noon na sobrang reklamador. Madalas, kapag binibigyan kami ng assignment sa klase, unang-una mo siyang maririnig na may komento. Masyado daw mahirap yun assignment, andami-daming pinaparesearch, at kung anu-ano pa. Buong akala ko, makakaligtas na ako sa nakakarinding reklamo nya pagkatapos ng klase. Pero ayun, makikita mo na magpahanggang sa mga social networking sites, gaya ng Facebook, ay nakakapagreklamo pa rin sya! Aaaahh!! Grabe talaga. Sa halip kaya na magpabagu-bago sya ng status sa fb (na puro reklamo lang naman ang nilalaman), bakit hindi nya subukang simulan na ang dapat simulan para mabawas-bawasan naman ang trabaho nya?!

Hindi ako nagmamagaling at lalong hindi ko sinasabi na mas alam ko ang tama para sa taong iyon. Ang sa akin lamang, habang may sapat pang oras para gawin ang isang bagay, bakit hindi pa gawin 'di ba? Sa halip na aksayahin ang panahon sa kakareklamo at kaka-isip ng negatibo, bakit hindi ito ilaan sa mas makabuluhan at mas pakikinabangan? 

Time is Gold. Gasgas man at nangungulapo na, totoo at may sense naman. 

Second Day...

Kahit na alam kong wala ako sa mood para magsulat ng medyo matinong blogpost, ayoko pa ring palampasin ang araw na ito na wala akong maisusulat na kahit ano. Astig kasi ng mga pangyayari today. Funny, Scary, Nakakainis, Nakaka walang-gana, at Nakaka-inspire. Okay, so eto na, sisimulan ko na ha? Pagpasenyahan mo na lang, medyo magulo nyan. Hehehe.

Okay. So for today, ang first class namin ay 7 o'clock in the morning. Mas na-enjoy at mas may nangyari naman today compared sa 1st day namin kahapon. So anu-ano nga ba ang ilan sa mga nangyari sa araw na 'to?

First class namin ang Philippine Constitution. Though medyo kinakabahan ako sa prof namin dahil isa syang Attorney, okay naman at nag-enjoy ako ng sobra. Feeling ko nga isa ang subject na 'to sa mga ma-eenjoy ko this sem. Nakakatuwa kasi funny ang prof, pero medyo scary nga lang. Kinabahan ako nung mahuli yung dalawang friends ko na nag-uusap at ayun, napagdiskitahan/nahuli nya. Pero gayunpaman, ayos pa rin. Kahit medyo scary yung ginawa nyang pagpin-point sa friend ko na katabi ko that time, hindi pa rin nun nabago ang excitement ko na mag-aral at maging student nya :)

Second subject ang walang kamatayang NSTP. Walang class dun, kasi walang teacher. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako mapanatag sa kakaisip kung sino ang magiging prof namin dun para sa sem na 'to. Si Ma'am C kaya ulit? Hmmmm. Ok lang siguro kung sya, pero sana wag naman para maiba. Sana, kung sino man ang magiging prof namin sa NSTP ngayon, wag naman sanang pa-major. Rugo, maawa naman sila sa amin, MAKISAMA naman po sana kayo... Pag minor, wag pa-major, please! =)

3rd subject ay yung Rizal's Life, Works, and Writings. Thank God, yung dati naming adviser noong 1st year ang prof namin ngayon :) Ang sweet pa nya nung inamin nya samin na kami daw ang favorite nya. Hahaha. Honestly, isa sya sa mga teachers sa AUF na idol na idol ko. Kahit medyo mahirap sa class nya noong 1st year kami, sulit naman kasi marami kaming natutunan.

Malamang, ang masaklap na parte lang noong mga oras na nagkaklase kami sa Rizal ay yung pagbibigay ng groupings. Akalain mong of all people, yung nag-iisang tao pa na hinihiling kong 'wag ko sanang maka-grupo, eh sya pang naka-group ko! Funny na nakakainis, pero wala akong magagawa kundi kalimutan yun at mag move on. Wala akong magagawa, for sure marami pang mga pagkakataon na makakasama ko ang taong iyon (na itago natin sa pangalang KAMIAS MAKAHIYA) sa mga group works, activities, atbp. Haaaay...

Last subject naman ay Radio, Scriptwrting, and Directing. Scary din yung subject na yun kasi for sure, super iba nyan. Hindi na kagaya dati na kapag gumagawa kami ng outputs, medyo pwede pang pa-easy easy. Pero I believe, kakayanin 'to! :) Basta think positive!

Akala ko, magiging okay na ang buong araw ko. Uwian na sana at mag-re-radio program na ako eh. Kaya lamang, MAY NAGTEXT nanaman! hahaha. Panira ng moment eh. Naisip ko tuloy, mabuti sigurong wag ko nalang basahin ang text message nun, erase na lang kaagad ( Ako na po ang MEAN >< ). Promise, mula bukas, hindi na ako papa-apekto. LOL.

Matapos mawala sa mood dahil sa isang unwanted text mula sa isang kaibigan, nagdecide akong wag ulit mag-attend ng radio program sa araw na 'to. Napakasama ko, iniwan ko ang partner ko ng nagiisa. Diretso ako kaagad sa Newborn Screening Center sa tabi ng University Hostel para magpa-set ng interview sa Director ng Administrative Services. Doon kasi ako pinapunta nung receptionist sa AUFMC. Pagdating ko doon sa NBS Center, naghintay ako ng mga 30 minutes bago may lumabas na tao saka sinabi sa akin na hindi daw doon iiwan ang letter, doon daw sa Executive Offices sa may hospital. Bongga! Sa madaling salita, nagpunta ako sa AUFMC. Unfortunately, wala raw ang Director. Balikan ko na lang daw yung letter sa Monday :((

Sa kabuuan, yan ang ilan lamang sa mga naganap sa araw na 'to. Again, may isang blogpost nanaman ako na categorized as non-sense. Goodnight! :)

Bye Sembreak... Hello, 2nd Sem!

Hindi ko masasabing napahinga ako ng lubos sa nagdaang sembreak na ito. Gayunpaman, ayos lamang. Para sakin ay naging makabuluhan naman ang nakaraang tatlong linggo ng sembreak ko.

So ano nga ba ang pinagkaabalahan ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo?

Una. Isa akong volunteer sa radio station ng AUF—ang DWAU 104.1 FM. Dahil dito, nagpupunta ako, kasama ng aking mga kapwa volunteers, sa school para mag-dj sa kanya-kanya naming mga radio programs at time slots. Aaminin kong medyo nakakapagod ang magpunta sa school lalo na kung ganitong sembreak. Minsan nga eh natutukso pa akong mag-stay na lang sa bahay at magpahinga kesa mag-attend ng isang episode sa aming radio program. Pero mabuti na lamang at nalampasan ko ‘yun at heto, balik eskwela na. At least ngayon, mas magiging madali para sa amin ang magpunta sa radio station kasi pumapasok na rin kami.

Oo, medyo nakakapagod nga ang pagpunta ng school para mag-dj pero kung susumahing mabuti, ‘di hamak na mas marami naman akong natutunan at mas naging makabuluhan naman ang sembreak ko ng dahil dito. Kung hindi siguro ako volunteer sa radio station, malamang, pangunahing pinagkakaabalahan ko ay ang pagkain at pagpapalaki ng katawan sa bahay.

Ikalawa. Ang sembreak na ito ay nagsilbing chance para sa akin para i-meet muli ang ilan sa aking mga high school friends na magdadalawang taon ko nang hindi nakakausap at nakakamusta ng maayos. Kahit pa nagkikita kami paminsan-minsan sa school, alam naman nating hindi sapat ang ilang minuto para magkamustahan at magkwentuhan kami patungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na nagaganap sa aming mga buhay di ba? Sa madaling salita, nagkita kami ng ilang friends ko at nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong makapag-bonding kahit papaano.

Ikatlo. Nakapagsulat na rin ako ng iilang mga posts sa aking blog. Matagal ko nang gustong bigyang buhay ang blogsite kong ito, pero due to time constraints, at dahil sa sandamakmak na requirements at activities sa school, hindi ko magawang makasulat ng kahit isang maikling blogpost. Kung meron man, buwan ata ang bibilangin bago ito masundan ng bagong entry. Naging active din ang twitter account ko ngayong sembreak. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay mayroon na akong 268 tweets (oh di ba, proud! Haha). Naging pamilyar na rin ako sa paggamit nito. Gayundin naman sa aking tumblr account. Natuto na ako kung paano magpost at magreblog (Wow, achievement!). Kahit papaano ay medyo masy sense na ang laman nito, kumpara sa dati.

Ika-apat. Nakapanood na ako ng TV. Hindi naman talaga ako mahilig manood ng TV eh. Ewan ko kung bakit. Madalas, pag nanunuod ako, puro balita lang tapos konting soap operas tapos wala na. Hindi rin ako pamilyar sa klase ng mga commercials na makikitang ipinapalabas sa TV. Kaya nga ngayong sembreak, nagkaroon ako ng chance na obserbahan ang ilan sa mga commercials ngayon. Nakakatuwa ang ilan, pero marami ang nakakainis. Nagtataka nga ako bakit may ilang mga commercials na pinapayagang i-ere sa telebisyon gayong wala namang good values na maaring mapulot dito. Hindi ba nila naisip na may mga batang manunuod din na pwedeng maimpluwensyahan ng mga commercials na ito? Sabi nila, walang mali sa mata ng mga bata, kaya sana naman ay i-filter muna ng mabuti ang ipinapalabas sa TV bago ibalandra sa publiko (Okay, tama na ang pagmamarunong kahit wala akong alam, hahah).

Ikalima. Nakabawi ako sa tulog. Noong kasagsagan ng 2^nd year (1^st sem), sabi ko: Kung mayroon mang kulang sa akin ngayon, hindi iyon pera, kaibigan o boyfriend kundi TULOG. Salamat naman at nakabawi ako kahit papaano nitong mga nakaraang linggo. Panigurado, isa ang pagtulog ng gabi at paggising ng tanghali sa mga bagay na mamimiss ko kapag may pasok na.

Ngayong second semester, masasabi kong excited naman ako na pumasok at mag-aral ulit. Exciting naman para sa akin ang mga subjects. Sana ganoon din ang mga professors. Kinakabahan man, alam kong magiging masaya din ang sem na ‘to. Paniguradong isang araw, mabibigla na lang ako at ma-rerealize ko na ang bilis ng panahon. Sa isang iglap nyan, tapos na ang 2^nd sem at makikita ko ang sarili kong naghahanda na para sa Ikatlong taon sa kolehiyo. Sana lang ay matupad ko ang pangako ko sa aking sarili na mag-aaral na ako ng mabuti ngayong sem na ito. Goodluck sa akin! Haha.

Oh, pano ba ‘yan. Tatapusin ko na ‘to. Medyo napapahaba na rin eh. Goodnight! May pasok pa ako bukas! :)

KDY.

This morning, when I woke up, I don’t know why the first person that popped out of my mind was you. Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I like you, probably, I just miss you. I really don’t want to wake up early, but the ringing of my mobile phone awakened my sleepy mind. I was surprised to see your name flashed on the screen of my phone. 
Seeing your name first thing in the morning made me miss you more.

It’s funny how when I need someone to talk to, you’re always there. You’ve been a good friend to me ever since, but I never had the chance to thank you for all the good things you’ve done for me. I don’t know why but sometimes, I think I don’t deserve to have you as a friend. I mean, I’m not a good listener when you’re telling me stories. I tend to pay attention to other things when you’re talking to me, and you know that. When we’re talking on the phone, I always screw things up making you irritated and I always start our arguments which later lead to small misunderstandings. Despite all these, you never stopped being enthusiastic in maintaining our friendship. Though it’s a little bit difficult because we’re from different schools, you still find time to visit and hang-out with me and my friends.

While I’m typing these words and as I think of all the sacrifices you’ve done just to catch up with me, It made me thankful for having you as one of my treasured friends in life. How can I repay you for being such a good person? I wish to have you in my life forever :)

Cloud Nine?

Ngayon nakahanap na ako ng patotoo sa kasabihang, wala talagang permanente sa mundo. Lahat nagbabago. Lahat lumilipas. 

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Parang kailan lang, normal ang lahat. Walang espesyal. Walang nasa cloud nine. Katamtaman lang. Isang araw, pag-gising ko, iba na. May motibasyon. May saya. May excitement. Bigla-bigla, napansin ko na wala nang thrill. Boring na. Hindi na nakakatuwa. Nakakasakit na.

Akala ko noon, eto na ‘yun. Iba kasi this time. As in ibang iba. Pero as usual, lahat naman ng akala mali, ‘di ba? Kanina lang nagtapos yung panaginip ko :’)

Para akong hinulog mula sa cloud nine. Nagising ako at na-realized ko na napapahaba na at napapasarap na ang pagkakahimbing ko. Akala ko totoo na, pero eto, panaginip nanaman pala ang lahat.

Kamusta naman ‘yun? Nakakabitin yung saya. Ganito ba ang epektong dala ng mahabang sembreak sa akin? Na-mimiss ko lang ba ng sobra sobra ang mga kaibigan ko? Ang lungkot-lungkot ko. Sa sobrang lungkot kung anu-anong mga bagay na ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Lilipas din ‘to. Makakalimutan ko din ‘to. Sana lang ASAP. Ang hirap kasi.

SENTIMYENTO

Malungkot ako ngayon. Who cares? Sorry hindi ko pwedeng sabihin ang dahilan. Hindi pa kasi ako ganun katapang na ipaalam kahit kanino. Noong hayskul ako, sabi sa akin ng isang teacher ko, sumulat daw kapag nag-uumapaw ang emosyon mo. Doon daw kasi lalabas lahat sa sinulat mo. In my case, masyado akong malungkot. Gustuhin ko mang ilabas ang lahat sa blog na ‘to, hinding hindi pwede. Maging kulang man sa kabuluhan ang entry na ‘to, pabayaan mo na lang. Ang importante naman ay medyo nababawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Oh c’mon.

Naluluha ako habang nagtatype. Actually, tumutulo na nga yung luha sa kanang mata ko (teka, punasan ko lang muna). Huwag mo naman sanang isiping baliw ako. Umiiyak ako hindi dahil sa walang dahilan. Meron. Simple nga lang eh. Abnormal nga ata ako kasi ‘yun lang iniiyakan ko. Funny noh? LOL. Natatawa tuloy ako. Limitado at kontrolado kasi ang paggamit ko ng mga salita habang nagsusulat ako. Isang maling salita lang, bistado ako. Hahaha.

Anyway, ang hirap ng ganito. Bakit kaya hindi pwedeng kontrolin ang damdamin ng tao? Yung tipong pipiliin mo kung kanino ka magtitiwala, ililihis mo ang atensyon mo sa mga bagay na sa kalaunan ay alam mo namang hindi mo makukuha, o kaya naman ay yung pigilin yung damdamin mo kung alam mong sa huli ikaw din ang masasaktan. Kung sa bagay, choice ko rin naman siguro ang masaktan. Kasalanan ko din. Pwede ko namang hindi ‘yun isipin, pero sadyang hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan.

Sanayan lang siguro ang sikreto sa kaso ko. As early as now, dapat matutunan ko na kung paano masanay sa ganitong estado. Nakakainis kasi bakit kelangang maging ganito palagi? Wala na bang pagbabago? Tama na. Okay lang naman siguro kung sarili ko naman ang tulungan ko.

Saving the Friendship

I believe that friendship should be mutual. When we say mutual, both parties should exert the same effort to stay in touch. But what happens when one loses the enthusiasm to connect with the other? Is one person’s effort enough to save a dying friendship?

I am only human. I make mistakes, I disappoint other people and I fail to reach their expectations at certain times. I’m not a perfect person, and definitely not a perfect friend. In spite of this, I make it a point that I’m available for my friends especially when they need me. However, since I’m only human and not a robot, I can only do things one at a time. Most of the time, I get busy with school activities and other stuffs but that doesn’t mean that I am not doing my best to stay connected, and most importantly, that doesn’t mean that I changed…

Lately, I can’t help but be sentimental whenever I remember this particular person. No matter how hard I try to figure out, I don’t understand why we are experiencing this kind of problem in our friendship. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I became too selfish and self-centered.

I want to say sorry for everything that night, but when this person told me that in our case, sorry can’t change anything and that only time can heal all the wounds of the past, it seemed like I lost my ability to type the words that I want to say during that conversation. I started to think. Is it true that time heals all wounds? If yes, for how long? How long will I wait for our friendship to be okay again? 

That night, I promised to myself that from that time on, I won’t say sorry for all the bad things that happened in the past. Instead, I’ll start saving the friendship we have as early as now. I value this person. I value our friendship. I don’t know if he cares or what, but all I’m after is to revive the friendship we have for more than five years now. But the question is, how long can I do this? Isn’t it the effort to save a friendship should also be mutual? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ll try.

I'd Lie

I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs and

I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know I've had him memorized for so long?

He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

He stands there then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breathe for you

He'd never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is, "My god, he's beautiful"
So I put on my make up and pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

-------

Pagbigyan nyo na po ako. Nagustuhan ko lamang ang kanta :)

Broken

Sinong nagsabi na ang pagiging brokenhearted ay applicable lamang sa mga taong sinaktan ng bf/gf/crush/MU nila? 

Brokenhearted ako ngayon. Sobra. Hindi ito dahil sa taong gusto ko, kundi dahil sa taong itinuring kong kaibigan noon. Masakit isipin na kung umasta sya ay parang wala kaming ni katiting na pinagsamahan noon. Bagamat marami siyang ginawa na nakasakit sa akin at sa iba ko pang mga kaibigan, nirerespeto ko pa rin sya. Iyon kasi ang usapan. Usapan na makatutulong sana na maayos ang lahat kung tutuparin at paninindigan, pero hindi eh.

Bago kami maghiwahiwalay, nagkasundo kaming wala nang magsasalita ng mga masasakit na bagay patungkol sa kahit sino sa amin sa ibang tao. Yun bang pagkatapos ng bangayan, panahon na para tumahimik at magkaroon ng maayos na closure sa pagitan namin. Napagkasunduan din namin na patuloy pa ring itago yung mga sikretong alam namin bilang mga magkakaibigan noon. Akala ko [namin], ayos na at doon na nagtatapos ang istoryang siya naman talaga ang bumuo at pinagmulan. Gayunpaman, marami talaga ang namamatay sa maling akala.

Okay, pasintabi. Magiging maselan po ang susunod na mga talata :)

Heto nanaman at balik nanaman siya sa dati nyang gawi. Malamang hindi naman siya talaga tumigil na manira at gumawa ng istorya. Sabagay, ano pa nga ba ang aasahan mo sa isang taong sanay at dalubhasa na sa ganyang gawain? WALA. Naiinis ako dahil naniwala nanaman ako sa kanya noong mangako siya sa amin na hindi na sya magsasalita ng masasama laban sa kahit sino sa aming magkakaibigan. Naiinis ako kasi for the nth time, nauto nanaman niya ako. Naiinis ako kasi wala akong magawa kundi ang mainis lang sa kanya dahil gustuhin ko man siyang sampalin, bugbugin, bungiin, at tadyakan sa adam’s apple (na dapat sana’y wala siya, dahil babae sya), hindi ko naman pwedeng gawin dahil pwede akong makulong kapag ginawa ko iyon.

Pero teka? Bakit naman ako patuloy na maiinis at magpapa-apekto sa kanya kung pwede ko namang ibulgar sa lahat (lalo na sa pamilya nya) ang lahat ng mga ginagawa niya? Pwede ko namang i-message sa facebook o i-text lahat ng mga sikreto nya? Bakit nga ba hindi? Hmmm. Hindi. Hindi ko gagawin iyon hangga’t maaari. Alam ko naman na once na ibulgar ko sya sa kanila, kawawa sya. Masisira ang buhay nya. Malamang masampal, mabugbog, mabungi at matadyakan sya sa adam’s apple sa bahay nila pag nagkataon. Sa ngayon, hindi ko muna gagawin ‘yun. Pero malay natin sa hinaharap, di ba? :)

Ako na po ang harsh. Sorry naman. hehe.

Noon At Ngayon

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Hindi ko alam bakit naging ganito bigla ang mood ko. Dahil siguro textmates ko nitong mga nakaraang araw ang ilan sa mga highschool friends ko. Ayun, halos kamustahan at kung anu-anong usapan tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na naganap sa kanya-kanya naming mga buhay matapos ang mag-dadalawang taon na pagkakahiwa-hiwalay namin pagkatapos ng highschool ang kadalasang topic. 

Itong isa kong classmate, hanggang ngayon wala talagang gustong ibang pagusapan kundi ang buhay ko. Masyado ata nya akong na-miss kaya ganun na lang ang pagiging mapag-usisa niya sa text. Nagsimula sa Hi, hello. Natanong na nya ako kung kamusta ang studies ko, at nagtapos sa isang usapan na ang topic namin ay si *toot* ehem.

Sa maghapong pakikipagtextmate ko sa kanya, napansin kong andami na talagang nangyari sa loob ng dalawang taon. Sabi ko pa nga sa kanya, mas makabubuting magkita na lang kami sa personal dahil mahirap ikwento ang lahat sa text. Sumang-ayon naman siya. Dahil dito, nagkaroon tuloy ng biglaang reunion kaming mga magkakaklase noong highschool. Simple gathering lang daw, sabi ng organizer. 

Gaya ng nasabi ko kanina, narealized ko na andami-dami ng mga nangyari. Eto ang ilan sa mga iyon, na sabi ko sa kaibigan ko ay paguusapan na lang namin pag nagkita na kami sa personal:

• Kung paano ako naka get-over sa isang hindi masyadong magandang experience with a guy-friend sa loob ng mahabang panahon. *ehem*
• Ang pagkakaroon ng gulo at medyo ‘matinding’ hindi pagkakaintindihan sa amin ng isang former friend na naging classmate namin noong highschool. *wooot*
• Ang pag-iwas at pagkakait na ginagawa ng girlfriend ng isang kaibigan namin na lumipad na patungong Australia.
• Ang mga bagay-bagay na pinagkaka-abalahan namin ngayon.
• Ang mga plano namin para sa hinaharap, at marami pang iba…

Gustung-gusto kong pag-usapan yung huli nitong mga nagdaang araw. Andami-dami ko nang plano na nasa isip ko. Mga plano na talagang pinagdarasal ko, na sana ay matupad ko naman this time. Seryoso ako. Walang halong biro. May nakahain na akong plano para sa 2nd year (2nd sem) at para sa mga darating pang taon. Masyado man akong advance, ang importante ay nagseset na ako ng goal ngayon. Hindi naman siguro masama ‘di ba? Ang gusto ko kasi this time, meron nang direksyon. Yung hindi ako nangangapa sa dilim.

Nalalapit na rin akong tumuntong sa legal na edad. Higit sa apat na buwan na lamang ay magdi-disi-otso na ako. Ang bilis ‘di ba? Parang kailan lang gustung-gusto kong magkaroon ng magarbong selebrasyon para sa okasyon na iyon, pero ngayon, ‘tila nawalan na ako ng gana. Ayoko na. Ganyan talaga ang tao noh? Pabago-bago ang isip. Paano ba naman kasi, naisip ko lang, masyado atang magastos. Nakakapagod din iyon kung tutuusin. Ilang buwang preparasyon ang gugugulin para sa isang gabing pagtitipon, at pagkatapos ano? Wala na. Iiwan kang nakatunganga at butas ang bulsa.

Ayokong isipin na baka kaya ganito akong mag-isip ngayon ay dahil sa tumatanda na ako. Hindi naman sa takot akong tumanda, pero ayoko pa sana. Na-eenjoy ko pa ang teenage life ko. Anu’t-anupaman, isa lang naman ang gusto kong tumbukin sa sulatin kong ito. At yun ay kung paano naging iba ang Noon at Ngayon sa buhay ko.

Dear Lord,

You are always there. I know that, for sure. 

A while ago, I started deliberating and I started planning for my future. I realized how big is my dream. While I was thinking of it, I felt a little bit nervous. Will I be able to make it? Will I survive? A lot of questions clouded on my mind. Questions that only me--and of course, You--can answer. I know at certain times, I'm weak. I tend to be negative when things don't go the way I want them to be. I have this tendency to give up when things are getting tough. But this is Me.

While scanning the piece of paper that I printed and copied online, I started counting. It will take a few more years, but as early as now, I'm already planning. I don't know why, but I have this feeling that I need to plan for it now because today is the best time to do such. I realized how fast time passed by. I am now 17 and I am now in my 2nd year as a college student. In my 2nd year in AUF, a lot of opportunities knocked on my door and luckily, I didn't let any of those slip away. Probably, this is my way of coping up with all the opportunities I've missed when I was younger. Before I entered college, I promised to myself that I'll do everything to improve and develop myself into someone I always wanted to become. I promised to myself that this time, I won't waste any opportunity... that I'll enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Thank God, You're always there to remind me that I need to fulfill those promises I've made to myself.

Lord, I'm thinking about this dream of mine now. You know what is it. You know every single piece of thought inside my head at the moment. I know this wouldn't be easy and it will take a lot of sacrifices and hardwork, but Lord, I'm willing to do everything [good] just to reach this dream. At this moment, while i'm writing this, I know You're there. I know You'll hear me. I know You'll help me. Whatever happens, I'll always believe in You. I love You and I will always do.

Love,

Angeline♥

Inkblots 2010 :)

INKBLOTS 2010. @ the University of Sto. Thomas (UST)

Last October 18-20, The Angelenean Pioneer participated in the annual Inkblots spearheaded by The Varsitarian, the official student publication of the University of Sto. Thomas. This National Seminar-Workshop is now on its 12th year, and this is my first time to join this one.


As early as 5 am in the morning, the Angelenean Pioneer delegates: Ate Cherry Mungcal, Kuya Ryan Marimla, Ate Margaret Maño, Ate Marjorie Maño, Josh Esteban, Xanti Gonzalez and I, met in front of the main campus of AUF and immediately went to UST for us to reach the place early for registration. While we're on our way to the place, we stopped at McDonalds to order and take-out our breakfast.

Kabataang Pinoy. Halatang bagong gising! (Angeline, Xanti, and Josh)

If i'm not mistaken, we reached the place 15 mins. before 7 am. We checked in at Fersal hotel, stayed there for awhile, and went to UST for registration. 

Inside the TARC Auditorium. While waiting for the program to start

For the first day, we had News writing, Feature writing, and Photojournalism lectures. I enjoyed the News writing session by Mr. Christian Esguerra, a political reporter of the Philippine Daily Inquirer covering the senate. I also enjoyed the Photojournalism lecture by Mr. Ernie Sarmiento, chief photographer of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, because he appeared to talk in a natural but humorous way.

Mr. Ernie Sarmiento. Photo during the Hayden Kho-Katrina Halili hearing

Delegates. Angeline, Xanti, Kuya Ryan, Ate Marjorie, Ate Peps, Ate Margaret, and Josh

For the second day, we arrived late for the 1st lecture which was Investigative Journalism by Mr. Jun Veneracion. With that, we had to sit on monoblock chairs because all seats were already taken. I liked the documentary film which was shown that morning. It's about the struggle of the Philippine Military in battling with the separatist groups here in the Philippines. With that documentary film, I realized how hard it is to be a journalist. It was clearly emphasized during Mr. Veneracion's talk that; "No story is worth dying for." If you're a journalist or a media practitioner, never ever dare to risk your life just for the sake of getting a scoop for the public. Above all, your life is more important than your job.

Cesar Apolinario, a reporter of GMA 7, talked about Reporting on the Web. The highlight of his talk was more on the use of Social Networking sites in disseminating information to the public.

After lunch, we had our Parallel Sessions. Ate Cherry, Ate Marjorie, Ate Margaret, Xanti and I chose the Editorial Cartooning session with Mr. Manix Abrera, a cartoonist of the Philippine Daily Inquirer. He was really funny! I really enjoyed the whole session. His funny yet informative comic strips promoted Philippine culture and traditions that a reader won't forget. Before he started his talk, he told everyone that when we finished the whole lecture, everyone will be able to draw even just a simple cartoon. Yes, I know how to draw one ;)

Picture picture :)

The last day was spent for sessions on Opinion/Editorial Writing (Mr. Vim Nadera), Campus Paper Management (Mr. Felipe Salvosa), and Filipino Writing (Mr. Eros Atalia). Editorial writing and Filipino writing were both fun and informative. I enjoyed Mr. Atalia's discussion about Writing for the Tabloid. He instilled in the minds of the student-participants and even advisers that time, that if we really want to change the future of tabloid, we should penetrate the industry and we, the young journalists of today, should initiate the change that we want to see in the tabloid newspaper.

*All photos from Ate Cherry Anne Mungcal's camera :)