FICKLE-MINDED ME

From my position at the moment, the clock tells me that it's already 12:03 AM. I was actually planning to sleep early tonight because my friend, Kevin, will visit me later in the morning. I have no plans of writing anything for this blog until I had a glimpse of what Roanne Quiambao posted here in blogger. It was entitled "I'll be what?" and from the piece of introduction flashed in my dashboard, I had an idea of what the blog post is all about.

San mo balak magtrabaho pag naggraduate ka?" - asked by my friend, who's really sure of her future work because she'll be going to London to be a ______ there. (bragging, right?) *Saan nga ba? 

The same question bothers me for a week now. I don't know kung ano talaga ang gusto ko! Even my brothers told me, magulo daw at pabagu-bago akong mag-isip. Will I be a lawyer just like what my Mom dreams of me? Will I pursue my childhood dream to be a doctor someday?

Actually, I can feel pressure from my family, but for me, that's a good thing. I consider them my ultimate motivator and inspiration. Without them, nothing from these two professions would be possible to achieve. 

Honestly (though i'm in the field of communication because of my chosen course in college), I still don't give up my dream to be a doctor someday. I still dream of myself inside the operating room, saving people's lives. Perhaps, a doctor seeing a mother give birth to a child. I also entertain the thought of seeing myself inside a court room--debating with a fellow lawyer, hearing my client about his side of the story, or trying to help husbands and wives in solving their marriage problems. 

Anu't-ano pa man, the fact remains that still, I AM UNDECIDED of what will be my future profession 10 (or more?) years from now. I am already 18 and I feel like i'm running out of time. Gustuhin ko mang maging doktor sa hinaharap, paano naman 'yun? Anong konek ng kursong komunikasyon sa medisina? Some friends keep on telling me na "mas bagay sayo ang LAW" or "Hello? mas related sa course mo ang LAW, bakit ka pa mag me-medicine?" Well, I think they're right. Sometimes, i'm holding on to this everything happens for a reason just for me to convince myself that i'm on the right track. Pero ano nga ba? Ano nga ba ang gusto ko talaga?

Meanwhile, my Mom constantly tells me na LAW ang kunin ko after graduation. Okay din naman 'yun for me. When Atty. Yabut became our PolSci teacher,that's when I started realizing how challenging law is. I became interested and that's also the time when I started to entertain the idea of taking up law someday. One family friend told me, "Ah! Tama mag-law ka nga, bagay na bagay 'yun para maipagtanggol mo ang Mama mo kasi very controversial sya." Funny! but it's true. Since Mom started to engage herself in Politics, our life as a family became a little bit busy? LOL. I can't find the right term, sorry. 

Even though I keep on talking about medicine and law here, it doesn't mean that I don't have any interests in becoming a media practitioner someday. I also want to be in the field--to be a broadcaster or to involve myself in documentary making. I also like writing, but I don't see myself like those good writers I know. Somehow, I want to be like my Auntie who is now working in ABS-CBN Australia as a field reporter. If i'm not mistaken, she graduated in UP Diliman and started working in ABS-CBN's Rated K as a researcher.

Right now, i'm still weighing things up and i'm not really sure when will I be certain about my decision. It's so hard for me to decide especially when I know that I have passion for these things. I hope and pray that I'll be able to choose one from these two soon. God, please help me!

Oh, by the way. I also want to become a part of the SOCO team someday (since I belong to a family of policemen--my father and my two brothers). Hey, I also want to become a pilot! :)

Too many dreams, too little time. Fickle-minded, huh?