The Other One

It’s been a while since I last updated my blogger account. I missed blogging, really. I’ve been too busy with some things and the hardest part is even if I want to write and put these feelings I have now into words, I just can’t.

At this point, I’m a bit worried because I might not be able to finish this post. This might just be counted as one of my drafts long piled up in this laptop. However, I’ll still try to continue and search for the right words to express what I really want to say—even if you don’t really care about this.

Lately, I can’t stop worrying about some things. In my entire life, I haven’t tried ruining relationships just for my own sake. I’m not that selfish. Even if I want to be happy, I don’t think other people’s sadness could bring me smiles.

I’m trying to make myself understand the situation. What I am doing now is plain feeble-mindedness. This is actually something that I promised myself that I won’t engage into. I am giving him reasons to be unfaithful at certain times. Instead of being guilty, there’s something in my head that says it’s alright to stay because I’m not doing anything to separate them.

How could I stop if I can’t find any reasons to do so? What if being in the vicious track is not enough for me to realize that I have to let go and get a life? I mean, he’s been good to me and he doesn’t want me to go as well. He’s also happy with me, and I am sure of that.

The fact that I’m here for him not just as a friend makes everything wrong…